I need a hug, I need to feel loved, I would like to feel like a real person and not a worn out piece of knotted string. I’d like to feel young and care free. Fat chance.

During the day I keep it all together, and during the evening I keep it under control but I’m getting really worn out with the effort of it all. But still there is an end date. He has said he is moving out and today, quite by chance I passed him on the by-pass. He should have been at work. Apparently he had been looking at a place to move to. I asked if he would have told me if I hadn’t seen him and he said he didn’t know. I do, he wouldn’t.

I also said he didn’t seem particularly bothered by the fact that we were splitting up, he said he wouldn’t say he wasn’t bothered. Pick the bones out of that? He seems to be neither here or there on the subject and certainly won’t talk about it. Well that’s the problem; he never did talk about anything. So now we find our selves at the end of a 30 year relationship.

I get the impression that once he moves out I won’t see or hear from him again. He has no interest in me or anything about me. To be honest I think I could do with a few weeks of non contact; I need to hibernate for a while.

But it isn’t going to be easy and I imagine that is an understatement!