The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. Bliss for a day when I saw Ned. As usual when I’ve seen him I feel as if we’ve come to an understanding. We talked about the way I thought it was very one sided and that he never contacted me. He promised he would send me an email on the Monday. It has been two weeks since then and although I’ve emailed him he seems to have disappeared – again.
The trouble is that one of my fears is that something has actually happened to him. Has he been involved in an accident? How would I find out if he has; the not knowing is heart breaking? On the other hand he may just be ignoring me.
Lollie has cottoned on, so I’ve told her little bits. It was a good feeling to share my troubles for a little while. On another subject of one of my pupils Lollie said “what goes around comes around” meaning that if you do horrible things to someone one day horrible things will happen to you.
I think that is what is happening to me now. I’m now paying for the fact that I’ve had an affair and that I’ve hurt other people. So what is happening to me now is only fair and that I deserve all the awful feelings I’m experiencing.
Am I depressed or am I just miserably sad. I know I’m confused – mainly due to Ned’s actions, I’ll never understand. He said he loved me; we had a lovely day together. Why haven’t I heard from him? Is he okay? I only wish I knew.
I must keep thinking he is and that what is happening is because
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND 
