Trix

Again I've been very remiss in keeping up to date with my blog. Mainly because life has changed so much in the last six weeks.

I went to visit my friend in Wales for a few days at the beginning of August and during that time my husband of over 23 years moved out of our house. I had decided that I couldn't actually watch him go, I knew it would be too much to bare, so I took myself off to my best friend.

She came back with me and although I tried to be brave I couldn't hold it together when I opened the wardrobes and found them empty so I really grateful that she was here. After a few days she had to go back and since then I have been keeping busy with work and find that keeping the house and the garden by myself is keeping my weekends busy as well.

I still don't know what will happen to me with regard to the house and at the moment I'm not brave enough to ask, but that will come. In the next week or two I think.

I'll keep you posted!!

Sidejump is to blame! As you can see it sucks. Not for the rating for the taking part!

I did the 'What animal are you" one and turned into a cat but it wouldn't post so you'll just have to believe me.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.5
Mind:	3.7
Body:	7.3
Spirit:	3.6
Friends/Family:	2.5
Love:	1.8
Finance:	6.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I’ve started coming out of the closet, I’ve told two people this week that he is moving out. Needless to say I cried both times but not the sobbing I wanted to do. I kept a stiff upper lip and took lots of deep breaths.

Strangely on both occasions they both said they had gone cold all over once the news had sunk in. As yet though I haven’t told my Dad and as far as I’m aware he hasn’t told anyone, not even his sister. Neither of us are that close to our families but close enough that they will be upset, my Dad especially as he is 75 and we have got closer over the years. Distance plays a part in both our families, his live in Scotland and mine live in Plymouth, except my brother who lives 3o miles away and I haven’t seen for two years or more!

The two people I told are not even ‘friends’. One was my boss and the other my hairdresser. Maybe I was using them to practice on. People who have known us both for years are going to be very shocked as there has never been any hint that we weren’t anything but happy and content. And that’s what I thought too!

The fact that we don’t really see our ‘friends’ has made it easy to keep the situation to ourselves. I have wondered how long I could actually keep it from everyone. Months in truth as most of the people we know don’t live locally so we only ever have contact once or twice a year or it is by email and you can hide everything in an email!

I need a hug, I need to feel loved, I would like to feel like a real person and not a worn out piece of knotted string. I’d like to feel young and care free. Fat chance.

During the day I keep it all together, and during the evening I keep it under control but I’m getting really worn out with the effort of it all. But still there is an end date. He has said he is moving out and today, quite by chance I passed him on the by-pass. He should have been at work. Apparently he had been looking at a place to move to. I asked if he would have told me if I hadn’t seen him and he said he didn’t know. I do, he wouldn’t.

I also said he didn’t seem particularly bothered by the fact that we were splitting up, he said he wouldn’t say he wasn’t bothered. Pick the bones out of that? He seems to be neither here or there on the subject and certainly won’t talk about it. Well that’s the problem; he never did talk about anything. So now we find our selves at the end of a 30 year relationship.

I get the impression that once he moves out I won’t see or hear from him again. He has no interest in me or anything about me. To be honest I think I could do with a few weeks of non contact; I need to hibernate for a while.

But it isn’t going to be easy and I imagine that is an understatement!

A man chatted to me today. A complete stranger, in Tesco. Not a place a like to shop in but the coffee shop is half decent and cheap and they provide free newspapers to read. This chap had just finished his Express and asked me if I'd finished with The Times so we swopped. In the process we had a conversation about how wonderful it was that Alan Johnson had been released yesterday. He had a particilar interest because he had worked at the BBC. I didn't get to find out what he was doing in Tesco in the middle of the day though.

It can be quite lonely having a break in coffee shops so having a newspaper or such like to read means you don't spend time watching everyone else and wondering what they're talking about.

Next door have gone away to Scotland for two weeks, starting at a rock concert for 3 days. They seem to be recapturing their youth and taking their teenage son with them. I'm in charge of checking the house, taking the post in and picking their raspberries and strawaberries so they don't get wasted. How does one make raspberry coulee (sp)? I suppose I could make smoothies yum yum.